Quick... Before they wake, before this moment of peace fades in any moment!
These were thoughts of a long ago time.
I've grabbed the computer and punch out these thoughts that have been passing through my mumble jumbled mama mind these past few decades.
I remember in the silence of rocking Sarah at 2 am, I was flooded with things to say and remember of this time in my life.
Sometimes it's was blissful joy (Elizabeth's wild & free back yard antics + Sarah's cooing & kicking away on the blanket looking up at the trees...) but mostly it's a what's next & who needs to be fed kind of hourly increments in those days. When I thought having a second child made me tap into my energy reserves, I cannot stress it enough the feel. It's not that I'm just tired, tired is fine. Everyone is tired. It's that my mind was on overdrive during my wakeful hours.
The hem & hawing of choosing to check of what needs to be done: college courses, bills, those dishes, sanitize bottles, nipples, SHAVE MY LEGS...or not think twice and just roll around in the grass with Elizabeth when Sarah napped.
It was to throw the necessities of homeownership to the wayside for another day and to be present for this fleeting period of a sunny summer day; this time when my girls were just so little and I was fortunate enough to witness and participate in it through & through.
Did I mention that when my head hits the pillow after the hectic day I found time for my husband but wished I could sleep for a month. However, that was not the plan for me.
I wrote down a lot of things about Elizabeth's first year of life in different places: her baby book, my moms one line a day book, my personal journal...I skim back through them here and there looking for reassurance on days when I had zero ability to remember what week of life I took Sarah out of the diapers, I rarely got a full nights sleep for several years... I think? But I digress, I thought I had document it all not only for the few years later for the ability to check myself on things but really for decades down the road.
I thought for a time when I'd actually have time to go through all of it and reminisce in full detail.
Well the days are here as I sit to organize the clutter drawers.
My mind goes back to a time where I sit on on the couch next to my husband, "Carl."
A time that I now can skim through my thoughts of ages ago...of a time when I was drowning in clothing with spit up and milk stains, when my hair was in a perpetual mess, when I prepped dinner with a super annoying kid cartoon on in the background & wearing Mommy shirts, when "mom, mom I need you" was the incessant call whether in the form of toddler words or baby cries, when date night was imperative to stay connected even though we were both so damn exhausted.
It was a good life this one. A bit blurry from fragmented sleepless night and frenzed life of work, college, parental care and life in general but that's ok.
I can now sit and enjoy the memories.
I do know I did a poor job of handling stress of all of it at times but my prayers are that my children forgive me and know that through it all, it was the love for them that kept me going most days.
Thank Goodness we are only young once. 😄
Nana
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