Men think they are being helpful by being easy going. This is actually making things harder.
This is a common responses between Men & Women...
Woman: Hey, what do you think about trying xyz cafe for lunch? Him: Um…whatever you think? Woman: So do you want to go or not... just tell me what you think...? Him: Well whatever... Woman: So you don't want to try the xyz cafe? Him: Hmm…whatever you want is fine.
Women in this situation are just asking for his opinion. She cares about what he thinks. However, the problem surfaces when it becomes obvious that He not particularly interested.
He might as well say “Honey, don’t waste my time with such trivial questions.”
The woman patiently tries to prompt more out of Him. Again, He deflect by responding with either a question or a vague comment.
He may not intentionally deflecting. He may not be trying to avoid responsibility. The truth is, he may genuinely not care where they eat. It usually isn’t just eating either.
With a busy life, men and women have to make a ridiculous amount of decisions. Some important, some not so important but decisions nonetheless.
Men struggle because though they can logically identify the problem, deep down there is quite a bit they do not concern themselves with. Should we eat before we go shopping or after? Should the we take a bath tonight or tomorrow? What should we have for dinner?
To these questions their responses are; It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Whatever you want, respectively. They say they are just laid back.
If the woman thinks they should bath tonight or tomorrow, He says fine. If she wants them to eat before or after going shopping, fine. If she wants something for dinner, no problem, How could these answers make anybody mad?
The answer is simple.
Being laid back, defined, is minimizing the collective value of the decisions made. In these cases, it is a form of belittlement and it is unfairly allocating the majority of the decision making to the woman. The message they are sending is that it doesn’t matter to them. They might as well say “Honey, don’t waste my time with such trivial questions. Just make a decision yourself! Beyond these concerns are more important questions: Why is my woman compelled to be the person who has to take the small decisions seriously? If she stopped asking questions, what would it mean for their life? If unprompted, would he step up and take active role with the passion and attention to detail that women do? Would his “laid back” approach unmask itself as laziness and avoidance?
Though their may not be definitive answers, It would be nice if men would focus on providing thoughtful responses. Rather, to prevent women from being inundated with the day to day required decision making,
Why men might decide to have a change of heart? Because if women decided to take the same approach as the men, then in a short amount of time their life would be dramatically changed. Instead of caring if the family is clean and well dressed then situation might become otherwise. The family dinner might be filled with disappointment because it was served two hours too late. These consequences may seem pretty insignificant but stretch them out over a lengthy duration and everyone will undoubtedly encounter stress and frustration on regular basis.
In other words, if both men & women take the same “laid back” approach then life suffers. If integrity is important, which I firmly believe it is, then men should not allow themselves to bestow a double standard upon woman.
It is perfectly appropriate to be laid back. The ability to ride the waves of life with a smile is rare. Unfortunately though, we may have prematurely convinced ourselves that we have this ability. Before we can adequately conclude this thought to be true we must ask ourselves the following question:
In a relationship, can both members take the same approach and still yield positive results?
If your answer is “yes”, congratulations. If your answer is “no”, welcome to most of the world. Regardless, I sincerely hope your answer isn’t “It doesn’t matter. Whatever is fine.”
:-)
Nana
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