These are a few questions to think about if you are leaning towards the idea of defunding your local police department and replacing it with something ambiguous, whether that is a naïve liberal with clipboard, social workers, an eight-year-old with a slingshot, or whichever gang in your neighborhood shows the most muscle. What does “defund the police” mean? Broadly, it means reallocating money from the police to social services, housing, education, and books for bums. Instead of prioritizing punishing people or relying on police to solve everything, it focuses on the causes of problems by throwing money at them, that shiny government money. Aren’t some cities considering dismantling their police department? Yes. For some, “defund” means “burn to the ground.” If this defunding thing goes through, who should I call when I used to call the police? GHOSTBUSTERS. Okay, but seriously. It depends on what you think is happening. Some things you can handle yourself, like if your neighbor is playing music too loud, you can sneak into their house and pour water on their stereo. But you are often ill-equipped to handle situations. Say, someone is passed out next to a dumpster, then you should give detox a call. Or a naked guy is camping out in a tree, then call someone who specializes in dealing with Randy types. And if someone is waving around an AK-47 at a supermarket, you can call your local naïve liberal with a clipboard. Will I have to remember more numbers than 911? Considering recalling over three numerals is beyond many people’s brain capacity, this is a good question. Eventually, however, you’ll realize that most organizations that handle long-term solutions to complicated problems are usually closed when you need them the most, like after five, on the weekends, and on all holidays. Is this a good idea, or is it one of those ideas that sounds great but then ends up with people being dead? According to some, whether it is a good idea is irrelevant. Dismantling or defunding the police is the only way to deal with racial injustice in policing. The police are corrupt evildoers who hate minorities, people with mental health problems, and you when you’re speeding, like if you gave a police officer a choice to hold a baby or hit it with a baton, they would always beat that baby. According to others, whether it is a good idea is still irrelevant. Criminals are everywhere, and if you want to keep them in check, you give police the biggest guns, the biggest cars, and the biggest penises, and give them the go ahead to do whatever they need to do, even if it’s “morally ambiguous.” Couldn’t we just reform the police? It sounds like you haven’t been watching any of the YouTube videos that angry people have made. If racism is so insidious in the US, why wouldn’t this new model of community safety become just as institutionally racist as the police? Because it won’t says some with cloudy crystal balls. Has any other place tried getting rid of their police department? Dismantling a police department has never been done, meaning your local bureaucratic government is trying something that no one has tried, which inspires confidence. Does this mean I can finally enact a protracted, merciless revenge on everyone on my Death List? Whoa! You have a Death List? Like Neighbor George. Can I please just stab him without any repercussions? What?
Nevermind I think this Defunding is a bigger debasco than some minds can handle!
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