When a someone died we often are at loss for words. Even though I have experienced loss many time I still found myself being in that same awkward moment when I thought about the pain my son in-law, daughter and granddaughter were in the mist of feeling yet again with the loss of a parent and grandparent.
My own experience might be a weird thing to say, but when my husband died, for whatever reason I really wanted to talk about what happened in detail. It helped me process and made things feel less surreal.
I know that I should have said and will eventually will say... "So, if there is ever a detail that you feel you can’t get out of your head and you want to share it, please share with me."
My heart aches for them. Yet another love & loss for them. The pain will always linger but hopefully to a certain extent the pain of loss will scabs over, new memories overlaying the old painful memories, but even more than that, grief is a process that does changes us into a person who can eventually deal with the loss of our loved one.
From the beginning for me, I sensed that grief would take me where I needed to go. Even when the pain of my life soul mate’s absence made it almost impossible to breathe, even as I railed against the sorrow, I trusted grief to guide me through the days, months, years. Despite the insanity of what I was feeling, I knew I was sane and well adjusted, and so I felt free to follow the wild and agonizing ride. While the emotional aspects of grief and mourning occupied my thoughts, underneath it all, the process did its job: the gradual detaching from him and learning to cope alone, and the even more gradual process of becoming a different person.
Even though I have reached a stage of semi-peace, his death still affects my life. There is a void in my world—an absence—where he once was, and that void will probably always be there. Although his death changed the circumstances of my life, thrusting me into an alien world, grief—living with it, dealing with it, accepting it—changed me. It has made me who I am today—stronger, more confident, and able to handle what comes my way.
Would I prefer to have him in my life? Absolutely! But that is not an option. All I can do, all any of us can do, is deal with what lies before us and know we have to live it. I’ve expanded my life way beyond what I knew, expanded my life beyond what I ever thought possible. I’ve gone on cross country road trips alone, laughed alone, lived alone. I’ve opened up myself and my grief to total strangers, and found a world full of friends.
Because I allowed grief to do its work, the world has once again become a place of hope and possibilities.
And that is more than a scab. It’s an entirely new way of "being" that encompasses the pain and allows for growth.
Rest In Pease "Ron McKee" and God Bless Those That Loved You.
The Days Ahead Will Be Painful But I Pray That Love, Strength and Courage Will Prevail!
Nana
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