Remember a post I'd posted a few years ago. Still rings true for me.
Evaluating the world we are in today brings to mind how importantly empathy is placed into everything.
When someone tells me about empathy, the usually first image that comes up is: " It means walking in someone else’s shoes." Basically, you’re supposed to see life throughout someone else’s perspective.
But it doesn’t ring right with me anymore. I mean, I get it. If we could magically do that, then yes, that’s what empathy would be. However, it’s hard. Why? Because we all see life through the murky lens of our own experiences. So how would I describe empathy?
A professor once described it as closely as I could imagine. Empathy is presence without judgement. So when I give my undivided attention to someone.
Put down my own life goggles. Look into their eyes. Listen without the intend of responding, nor judging what they are sharing. Not over-analyze. Just being there and listen. That’s when I feel I’m being empathetic.
That’s when I get a glimpse of how they are feeling. How they see life as well as I can. What they have been through. The more I practice it, the better I get at understanding and not judging. However, it begs the question; Does that make me feel like I walk in their shoes?
I don’t know.
Maybe with time. Maybe with people we really know. However, What I don’t like about this image is that it implies one could ever get a holistic sense of someone else’s experience. With such strong action as "walking in their shoes", I don’t see how I could leave all the biases I’ve accumulated from my own life to see through someone else’s life. From my perspective, it would lead to get in someone’s head to try to fix them... And I absolutely do not want the idea that I need to fix others. The action of "walking in their shoes" seems too aggressive, too active for non-judgmental connection. The way I see it, empathy gives me clues and briefly dives into someone’s life. Imagining that I could ever get the whole picture seems full of bull.
There’s only so much we can understand. Empathy really is a state when we are just present. It’s a passive approach of receiving rather than pulling. Shifting to this perspective in my older years has improved my capacity to be with others without the intend to instruct, judge or fix.
It has opened up channels for better relationships and better human connection. Maybe a little late but better than never!
Nana
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